Who Am I???

The Quick Version

Hello, I’m a Deacon at my local church. My name is Phil, so I guess my name is Deacon Phil. I’m responsible of driving the church van downtown to pickup homeless people for church on Sunday. I drive the van a large amount of the time, but recently other brothers have stepped forward to lend a hand.

I also run a college age ministry with my wife, which has truly been a blessing in our lives. The young adults in our group have been one of the highlights of our year.

I have been in the U.S. Armed Forces for 8 years and was just recently released from active duty with an honorable discharge. I’m now free to chase my dream of getting a bachelors degree. I’ve been enrolled in my local college fulltime since January 2nd, 2007.

The Long Version (My Life Story)

I was raised in a Christian home all my life, but after I graduated high school I moved out on my own and started to backslide. I then joined the military and continued to backslide for a number of years. I became very depressed, sexually active, and started smoking, but I was still going to church every Sunday. Church was the only place that made me feel any better about myself, especially when I would sing hymns. My life was so miserable that the only place I had left to turn to was Jesus. I had nothing and nobody else.

I still remember the conversation I had with God one night. It went something like this: “God I’ve tried to be a Christian my whole life, and I can’t do it. If you made the trees, sky, grass, and mountains then you can make me a Christian, because I can’t do it.” After that I had evil dreams every night until the next Sunday. I went to a non-denominational church that Sunday and when the Pastor had an alter call I went down and just started crying, which I couldn’t stop or control for quite awhile. It felt wonderful!

I was 22 years old at that point and finally happy. Through God I was able to quit my 7-year smoking addiction. A few months later a man in my church stepped forward and told his story of how he was addicted to porn for 20 years and how God had worked in his life to break his addiction. He went on to report that he facilitated a group that dealt with this type of addiction. I joined his incredible group, and it later turned into a 12-step Christian based recovery program.

I stuck with the program for a year and a half dealing with my own lust, but then I was transferred in the military. I thought I had lust tamed, but with the stress of a new duty station, and needing to build my routine and social life all over again, I unfortunately backslid into lust.

I’ve done a lot of growing since that time. I’m 29 years old now and have battled with lust since I was 22. The battles I’ve fought in this area have been grueling, but by implementing the tools I learned in my 12-step program I have healed immensely. My battles today aren’t even close to what they used to be. I’m winning the war! Do I still have temptation and mess up? Sure I do, but those mess-ups are now few and far between.

My journey has been long and hard, but worth every minute. I can’t quite describe to you what it feels like to have a flood of thoughts and be able to take them captive. Or, when I was single, what it feels like to be offered sex by a beautiful girl and tell her I’m not interested. There is no other feeling quite like going to bed at the end of the day with a clean mind and a clear conscience.

When I was in the military I had a Chaplin who was my Bible study partner. We were discussing a particular struggle that I was able to encourage him about. In a later conversation with my Chaplin he mentioned how great it felt to be in this struggle with another Christian, fighting the enemy together. He talked about how the uphill path to victory seemed so muddy to him and when he took one step forward, he slipped 2 steps back. However, he said battling with another Christian, pushing him, and fighting with him was just what he needed. He said it was not only encouraging, but also inspiring to see somebody willing to go through the same battles he was.

This is one of the reasons I created this website, because I never had anything like it when I was battling through. I want to be that Christian who is fighting with you. Telling you not to give up. Remember, no matter how hard it seems God will be with you all the way. Purity is becoming a reality in my life and I trust God that it will become one in yours too.

God Bless,
Deacon Phil

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